When your baby dies, you feel isolated and alone. And, while I have the support of amazing people in my life, the truth is … I don’t belong. I no longer fit in.
I don’t belong at play dates anymore. I don’t belong in conversations about preschool or how to draw a turkey by outlining your child’s hand. I don’t belong in the toy stores. I don’t belong at the park, although I still go by there often and push an empty baby swing.
There is a part of me that will always feel isolated. And, there will always be a HUGE hole in my heart that aches profusely.
I can easily focus on everything that is horribly wrong. Kyra should still be here. She should be playing, singing, laughing, and inventing a myriad of creative tactics to delay bedtime. She should be making her list for Santa.
While I will always miss Kyra every second of every day, I will also be eternally grateful for every moment I had with her. I am grateful for everything Kyra taught me and for giving me the opportunity to be her Momma. I am grateful God gave me this fearless little girl who touched the hearts and souls of so many. I will cherish every memory forever and my love for Kyra will continue today, tomorrow, and to eternity.
And, today, I can stand before you, holding Kyra in my heart, in gratitude for the many wonderful people in my life. I am thankful for so many who have been around me and continue to support me in the dark days since Kyra has been taken from us.
I am forever grateful to those friends, old and new, who have shed tears with me, who have hugged me, who have listened to me or sat in silence with me. I am grateful for the those who have never met Kyra but have opened their hearts to her, who want to be involved and help. I am grateful to all those who have joined me as we try to change a badly broken family court system. From experts to novices, to those who have stood next to me in solidarity, thank you!
I truly believe things can change – that babies and children, like Kyra, can be better protected. I can’t do it alone. I need all the help and support I can get. To all of you who help in so many incredible ways, please know this – I love you. Thank you.