Christmas in Heaven

Christmas would have been one of Kyra’s favorite holidays. You see, before she was taken, Kyra had been watching Elmo Christmas specials for months. She knew every song by heart and would sing along. We would get some odd looks in June and July when we would be in the supermarket or playground and she would belt one of the Christmas tunes! But she would start to giggle, and I happily sang along with her.

I don’t know what Christmas is like in heaven, but I envision harps and candles and joy and merriment. And, I’m sure Kyra is in the thick of it singing, dancing to “moo-sic” as she called it, playing, and, of course, giggling.

Back on earth, this is a hard time of year. I would love to be helping her make her list for Santa and mailing her letter to the North Pole. I’d worry that someone might try to tell her Santa wasn’t real. I am sure would be baking Christmas cookies together, just like I did with my Mom and Grandmother. I had looked forward to watching Rudolf and Frosty and the other Christmas specials with Kyra. I can envision her anticipation of Christmas and her excitement on Christmas morning. She had this smile when something truly excited her – her face would light up! – and I think of that smile and of her opening presents. And, I know at Christmas mass, she would have been singing the Christmas songs loud and proud.

I only got to take her to meet Santa a few times in her too-short life. When she was only 8 months old, she stared at him, as if she was saying, “Who are you and why am I on your lap?” The second time, when she was 20 months old, she was giggling and grabbing for his beard. She loved to meet new people; she had no fear.

When I go to stores, I see things that I would have bought for Kyra this year. I have bought and wrapped a number of things for her. And, it breaks my heart that they will remain unopened as yet another painful reminder that she is gone. But, I hope she knows I am always thinking of her.

Kyra, continue to dance and play and sing and giggle, my sweet baby girl. I will still be with you, even though we cannot be together. Merry Christmas, Kyra. Momma loves you and is blowing you kisses to you in heaven.